Welcome to S.M.G. — Baseball, among other anecdotes.

I needed to post that disclaimer first because what I’m about to say is not meant to reflect negatively on him, but rather on the culture he’s a part of. The guy came to me the other day, asking my opinion about a concept he had been developing. He just interned for a few weeks on the new Alec Baldwin film, and I guess this experience reestablished the already prevalent aspiration of becoming an entertainment writer — more specifically, a sitcom writer.

Here are some of the possible story lines he pitched…

There’s nothing worse than…

1. when you’re in the shower, and you turn the knob a small amount to make the water slightly warmer, but instead it gets really cold.

2. when something happens a repeated number of times, but then you go to show somebody and it doesn’t happen that time.

3. when you’re putting ripped jeans on, and your toe gets caught in the hole, causing the rip to get even bigger.

Yeah….

I tried to be a supportive friend and fed into the concept a bit, which in hindsight I regret. The truth of the matter is, and again, this is not a reflection on just this one guy: There are very few people out there who have the ability to pitch an original, entertaining idea.

I swear man, all I could envision while going over the concepts was some dysfunctional hybrid of a Seinfeld episode and a bad Open Mich night at the Laugh Barn. Why is it that whenever a person identifies something mildly amusing they assume it will translate into entertainment? I’ll tell you one thing, as incredible as Seinfeld was, it’s created this delusion amongst aspiring television writers that the future of the business lies with painfully situational comedy. It’s also given an unwarranted hope that anyone can turn their modest, daily experiences into something that the whole world will find amusing. For every Rob McElhenney (the creator of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, a show he originally pitched to FX as “Seinfeld on crack.”) there’s a half a million wanna-bes who don’t understand what it takes to be original.

There’s not enough of an understanding from this generation about the climate of the world we live in, and this is not relegated to the entertainment field. In years past, where there was no internet and no cable, people were forced to focus on whatever a limited number of outlets shared with us. The biggest range of choice we had was seven channels and the various sections of the local paper. In most ways, the development of independent media has been a good thing — not in all ways.

You would think that this technological evolution we’ve been a part of would have created a more knowledgeable generation, but it’s seems that more of us have decided to focus on precisely what we’ve deemed important, and in many ways, we’ve segregated ourselves from everything that would give us a more accurate perception of the world. Granted, each of us have been better at understanding our own personal niches and we can probably educate others on specific topics much better than before, but that means nothing to those who are so involved in their own interests and have no time for yours.

What we’ve come to is depressing: A generation that is so self-involved, the only thing we can collectively come together on is the situational “Don’t you hate it when…” concepts Adam decided to share. The only problem with that is, it’s been done. I mean seriously, I don’t think I could take another television show about uninspiring characters involved in the trivial day-to-day monotony we’ve all come to know.

I know this is going to sound horribly pretentious, but it really is difficult to find anything worth while from major, all-encompassing production companies. There’s nothing inspiring about their material. They create material for the masses, which in turn waters down the quality. The only way you can get anything truly original is to make your way through the indie circuit, but when you do that, you’re dealing with entertainers who will in all likelihood never have the means to produce their work with any regularity — there aren’t enough people who’ve been “exposed enough” (outside of whatever they’ve deemed important) to understand the principles of the product.

There was this guy Brett, a buddy of mine from a few years back. I used to have people over my place in the evenings for the typical bullshit college kids do. Watch TV, smoke, drink, whatever. We used to watch this show on Adult Swim you may or may not be familiar with called Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Very funny show. The concept isn’t what you would call “typical” on any level. It was about a milk shake, a meatball, and an order of french fries who lived together in a low income New Jersey neighborhood. Guys like Brett didn’t really understand the show, and because of that, they’d choose to focus on the aspects of it that make it incredibly stupid.

“Dumbest show ever,” he’d say. “It’s about an order of french fries floating around talking to people. Dumbest show ever,” he’d repeat.

When I hear someone take that attitude towards a program like Aqua Teen, I already know there’s no hope of explaining it to him. What’s funny about it is I’m a fifth year senior and Brett is an honor roll student at Cornell University. The guy’s smarter than me, yet he wouldn’t have a prayer of understanding the satire behind the ridiculous figures in front of him. He didn’t understand that the characters were supposed to be symbolic of people in every day life that we find amusing. The milkshake was a narcissistic idiot who was always looking for easy paths to financial freedom (pyramid schemes, making hip hop albums, etc.). The meatball was a lovable idiot who believed everything the Milkshake would say because he’s so convincing. The french fries was the rational one in the group who always had to deal with the idiocy of the other two and make the best of it.

The three of them collectively were emblematic of some of the most recognizable personality types this culture has developed, but the creators of the show decided not to make it disposable. He made them fast food items, and he animated them poorly (yes, it’s a cartoon). He created many of the same unoriginal concepts my friend shared with me and turned into a ridiculously original piece of art — and yes, it is fucking art.

Carl: Forget it Shake, the wedding’s over.
Shake: No! We will lose the deposit on the DJ!

So much of the script consists of things we can easily relate to, but because it’s delivered in such a unique way, only a handful of people can understand it.

Anyway, I’ve digressed. That’s the point I’m trying to get across. We’re at a weird crossroads in entertainment where the same bullshit has been circulating for way too long, but our culture doesn’t allow itself to accept new ways of communicating interesting ideas because we’re not willing to take a look at things we don’t understand. I’m far from some all-worldly pop culture condé-sur, but I’ve at the very least identified that I want to be — and you should, too. Way too many people have bought into whatever niches they’ve associated with, and are, for lack of a better word, afraid to look into anything else. It might be too depressing…. God forbid it’s not the happiest thing ever.

Challenge things. Challenge yourselves. Don’t take it from me, some fucking blogger. Just realize it. Look for something unique, or take something that’s been done and turn it into something original. Easier said than done, I know, but that seems to be the case with everything.

I’d like to add that the fact that Adam has the balls to even attempt comedy writing is something I admire and respect. Everyone is a critic, but nobody antis up and tries to create something in their own right. They’ll say “Hey, I never claimed I was talented,” as if that gives them the right to judge those who are trying to be. I adhere to the idea that “Putting down 50,000 words doesn’t makes you a writer, just like installing 50,000 light bulbs doesn’t make you an electrician” (thank you 101ReasonsToStopWriting.com)– but it does make you an entrepreneur of sorts.

I promised myself I wouldn’t delve into the Buzz Bissinger bullshit too much, but it is worth noting that his limited outlook is one of the most naive, anti-developmental ones you’ll ever hear. If anyone missed it, Buzz, an established sports writer, ripped into everything and everything that is blogging on HBO’s Costas Now. There were constant verbal assaults on DeadSpin.com editor Will Leitch. It was one of the most incoherent, hateful rants I’ve ever heard in my life. He said throughout the entire program that he’s “over 50 years old,” as if he was trying to prove he understood his position was bias. Really, all he did was validate the misconception that all older folks are afraid of progress.

The whole bullshit segment tied into this idea that the entertainment field is being watered down by the development of technology. I BY NO MEANS agree with Buzz whatsoever. In fact, I have faith in the idea that people will eventually begin to take advantage of what’s become of media & entertainment, and police the internet in way that will completely eliminate anything not worth it’s salt. But at this particular, infantile stage of the game, he’s right that too much ridiculous, uninspired material is in heavy circulation. Again, I’d like to reiterate: Buzz Bissinger is a fucking moron.

The following was by far, the coolest part of the show….

Anyway it’s time to wrap this rant up. Adam’s a good dude. So is Brett. People in general are awesome. I’m just sick and tired of having to filter out repetitive bullshit on a regular basis just to find shows that are worth my time. It’s a depressing day when you realize you’re not being entertained anymore, and when I read the guy’s concepts I really did need to vent all of this. Thanks for reading, and I promise, I’m going to write about baseball soon. I really am — probably. I swear.